per l'amaro e il dolce

ink and another "almost" bout of tears

2011-05-30T15:36:00.002+08:00

Early this year, I thought I finally found my place under the sun. As the months dragged on, the euphoria I felt dimmed with time.. Lots of things happened making me realize I still have a long way to go before I can fully go back to how I was once.

To add salt to the wounds that barely healed, there was this person who somehow showed me not to be afraid to take the risk so I did.. How incredibly stupid of me.. Why do you ask? it took me two years to convince myself that the person I used to know is just one man and does not represent all men.. Then this chap comes along to fuck things up yet again for me.. What took two years to convince myself took all of 5 minutes to unconvince.

Never did I fully understand the ordeal those girls went through until today. I may sound like one of those walking cliches that roam the Earth but really, I did not know that the crafty old bugger is taken.. Seriously, the dude is one smooth motherfucker..

Oh no.. you assume wrong (assuming that you, yes you, is assuming anything) I am way above the others.. Simply put, the moment I found out, I left- figuratively, that is, seeing how we don't live under the same roof..

Limbo is not my favorite place and being in it is hell.. Imagine my surprise when I found out.. My first attempt back into the murky dating pool of singles is a dismal failure.

I felt like shit (not really.. If anything, it's for lack of a better word).. I should've spotted the possible trouble a mile away but I didn't.. Ha bloody ha.. Guess I just have to experience yet another frog :)

I've made some poor decisions in life and really, there's nothing more I can do about it but to stand by it, rectify what I can, and charge to experience what I can't.

Anyway, moving along..

Thursday indeed

2011-04-28T17:35:00.005+08:00

How do I even begin to blog about a trip that lasted only for a day? Oh well.

Maundy Thursday, I went to Quezon. It was my first time to commute going there so I’m proud of myself

Armed with a camera, I began to embark a “quiet” journey- a much needed “me time”. I left the house 4pm and reached the bus station around 4:30 (thank God for cabs) The bus going to Quezon left Manila 5-ish.

I arrived in Lucena at around 9 and had to take a 45 minute jeepney ride going to Lucban, my destination being Kamay ni Hesus. It has been a somewhat scary ride because seriously, the roads got no streetlights on. The only light you get was from the head and backlights plus the occasional houses you pass by. I got there 10pm (I seriously wanted to call out to the bus then finally the jeepney driver for a stop over just so I could stretch my legs) and I was surprised by the number of pilgrims. It was late but people were still coming in- in batches I might add.

What, you may ask, am I doing there. Well, see I was never really the religious sort and I wanted to try something new, different. The opportunity presented when I woke up Thursday morning. I decided to go there to do the station of the cross but gee, the place was beautiful. All good intentions forgotten, I ended up trailing along others (them doing what I was supposed to be doing and praying) and taking photographs.

Sharing with you some of the photos I took. Excuse the shots

Some stations of the cross

and other things that left me in awe

The Risen Lord

Blessed Mother

Pieta

Our Lady of Remedies

The View

The candle I lit for myself

And for others

Prints

It was my first time there and the place has blown me away. It has life-sized stations of the cross (but you'd have to climb stairs that seem to go on forever to go on to the next then down again), amazing views, a simple church, and best of all, it was peaceful and quiet. I was able to think.

If a cup of steaming cocoa had a form, face, whatever, that place would be it. It gives comfort. Although, I have to say, climbing 400 or more steps isn't something I see myself doing anytime soon. It was exciting and fun but insanely tiring. Gah.

I left 11:30 the same night and took a jeep going back to the terminal in Lucena. By 12:30mn, I found myself seated on the bus going back to Manila. Mind you, the actual travel was longer than the amount of time I spent on location. I went home tired but recharged, if you get my drift.

heart thoughts

2011-04-14T17:39:00.007+08:00

A friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of three years over the weekend. Since we're at work and couldn't really talk much seeing how busy we both were, it took until this afternoon to tell the tale.. While sharing the whole sordid story, it made me look back on mine and the realizations that went with it when I was going through the process..

Looking back on the almost "happy ever after" chapter in my life, I realized there must've been more than a few indicators of a possible downfall for the strongest tower there ever was.. guess i became too absorbed to take notice.. and now, two years later, I still couldn't place my finger on where exactly we went wrong.. all I knew was one day, my relationship went downhill and all sacrifices down the drain..

That being said, I realized there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.. if there was, God wouldn't have created tears and of course, we wouldn't know what is it that we really want and what would make us, a cliche, happy in the truest sense.. rather, a seemingly perfect relationship would be a more fitting term..

So basically, we really don't "get over it", we grieve and pine for that person, and suddenly you'll realize that you're used to the pain. Time does not heal all wounds, the brain ,to protect it's sanity, covers the wound with scar tissues to lessen the pain, but it's still there. We walk away to avoid pain, we might stumble a little on our way out, but we still walk away

One morning, we just wake up and things seem a bit easier.. he's not the first thing on your mind anymore.. how could they? when you don't see them anymore?

There are things in life we have to let go of no matter how attached we are.. at one point, it may have made us happy and blissfully unaware of what's really going on but at the end of the day, we have to consider how we really feel, not minding social niceties.

Old faces and memories are replaced by new ones.. You start to build a world without that person.. and after some time, the feeling of losing a limb eventually fades away..

♥ ♥ ♥

kunwari nasa isang barko ka.. tapos yung barko palubog na. mayron kang nakitang life boat na good for 2 lang.. sino ililigtas mo... family mo or yung bf/gf mo?

2011-04-13T16:39:00.001+08:00

actually, baka sila pa mag save because I don't know how to swim.. pero if ever, maybe both.. sila na lang ung nasa life boat.. either way kasi I'd always think about what happened dun sa hindi na-save..

Ask me anything

the year that was and the year that is now

2011-01-07T23:40:00.010+08:00

This might be days overdue but hey- I had things to do so you'll have to excuse me as I took a hiatus from the wonderful world of the web.. Anyhow, 2010 has done a pretty good job of keeping me amused and a little confused at the same time.. I must've felt all emotions possible in just one go.. That's saying something :)

Let me see, here's a rundown of the days gone by

JANUARY:
* It sank. Enough said.
* First new year as a single woman

FEBRUARY:
* Alone again, naturally
* It took some getting used to

MARCH:
* I've no idea.. hahaha

APRIL:
* Heard the most ridiculous thing ever

* it's been a year

MAY:
* Old school sounds, I like.. Yes, Tears for Fears was uh-mazing

* New space, new place, new beginnings :)

JUNE:
* My "lost and found" month

JULY:
* Picture-filled month.. I lurve!

AUGUST:
* Concert for the love drunk
* Night outs galore

* Outpour of random thoughts on FB

* My most "magastos" month ever!

* And now I see just what you mean to me, I fall in love again :)

SEPTEMBER:
* Happy birthday to me!
* Parties left and right
* High school reunion

OCTOBER:
* Whatever I post, it's nobody's business.. I'll write about what I want
& what I feel like writing at a particular moment.. This again, for the
record, is my PERSONAL space.. Peace out :)
* John Mayer in Manila
* Cinema marathon

* Most eventful

* Hope springs :)

NOVEMBER:
* Crunch time

DECEMBER:
* Emo roller coaster

* Road trips and theme parks

* Occasions galore

As for 2011, I actually welcome the year full of determination and a "shorter" list of resolutions.. Because :p

* Let go of the have been's and the things that can't be changed

* be fabulous and fit

* do 1 and 2 :)

I resolve to make this year the amazing.. Hope you guys have an awesome 2011.. Cheers! :D

the divisoria chronicle

2010-12-16T11:21:00.005+08:00

Simply put, I got tired of hearing my best friend saying my life is incomplete just because I haven't been to Divi. That being said, I went with my sister, who I might add, is like a walking Google map when it comes to navigating the place, last Tuesday.

The place was a madhouse. There were lots of stalls and shops and the quantity of people made movement harder. Can you say CROWDED? I say that in big, bold, letters. Seems that almost the whole of manila was there. It was like a city version of sardines. They have all sorts of stuff from shoes, clothes, to food. As in everything! Every nook and cranny was filled with things. It was a sight to see. I recommend (this might be common knowledge but hey- indulge the first timer :D) that you wear comfortable shoes. My feet killed me. Infairness, they sell cheap stuff. Although some of the items you could buy at the mall for the same price.

It was an interesting experience. I might go back but definitely not on holidays. For now and until I feel like it, I'm sticking to malls :)

a piece of sunshine

2010-10-04T14:59:00.005+08:00

Been craving for a cupcake for a week. Finally, my friend caved in and let me drag her to Serendra last Saturday. It was raining but hey- there's still fun in that :p

Dinner at Conti's was fun but it was the dessert that won me over.

A bite of this and I was transported to heaven. And I don't care if you don't agree with me. At last! After almost a week of unsatisfied cravings, I got to go to Sonja's and grab a piece :)

when it rains, well, it rains ♥

2010-10-04T14:34:00.003+08:00

He. Is. Awesome.

The weather didn't do anything to dampen my spirits (other than my clothes) at all. Rocking out at the MOA concert grounds despite the downpour was amazing. He performed well, given the conditions (can you spell SLIPPERY?) The crowd laughed when he said "Gotta be careful. I don't want to be a youtube video"

I want a part 2!! haha.. Loved his songs. The crowed went wild when he sang "Your body is a wonderland" and "Half of my heart" plus other cover songs. We simply roared in delight :)

We cheered him on, we went wild, the rain added the drama. I love!

Yep. This is a couple days late. Why? Well, just because.

What kind of music can you just not stand to listen to?

2010-10-01T14:50:00.001+08:00

heavy metal.. what's with all the screaming? and classical too.. can you say boring?

Ask me anything

a year later

2010-08-26T00:22:00.002+08:00

once upon a time, there was a prince of some sorts but they didn't live happily ever after.. rather, the prince and the princess lived quietly without each other..

on that note, there'll be no more looking back with rose tinted spectacles to what used to be and how I thought love was supposed to look like..

on circles

2010-07-31T04:14:00.005+08:00

I wonder why is it that I still miss him, miss "us" sometimes. It's not as often or as painful as before but still. There are times when I just want to scream and shout (talk about redundant) till my voice becomes hoarse and my tears (if there are any left) run dry.

Funny how thoughts of him come up at the most inopportune times. It's crazy, most especially when you suddenly pop out of nowhere when I'm uber busy. Things I did not want to remember anymore- both the good and the bad

Mind you, it's not as if I relish thinking about him because I don't. I stopped missing and thinking about the person some time ago so imagine my surprise when these unwanted emotions came barrelling all of a sudden.

It's frustrating but there's nothing I can do. I can't run away. Going as fast as I can to the opposite direction will just pospone the next scene. Oh well, I'm sure this is just one one of those sudden things. One I'll get over with soon. Hopefully.

For now, I'll just miss you until the feeling passes.

if u have one wish right now, what would that be?

2010-06-23T19:25:00.001+08:00

peace of mind.. and freedom from the things that are holding me back..

Ask me anything

what makes you angry?

2010-06-23T19:24:00.001+08:00

it takes a lot to make me angry.. reason varies.. some things I can let pass.. but if i was made to look like a fool (again, depending on the situation) that would be it.

Ask me anything

nemo

2010-06-11T11:55:00.000+08:00

pour vouz, anniversaire de l'avance heureux.. merci pour cette belle aventure- il est temps pour toi d'en vivre une nouvelle.. je continue à vous manquez.. au revoire..

faded pictures, torn pages

2010-06-08T13:49:00.001+08:00

Listening to Trina's "If you change your mind" and India Arie's "Heart of the matter" while reading old blog entries transported me back. I didn't want to remember but I guess there are just some things we can never really forget. Don't get me wrong, I am fine. It's just that remembering made me feel the pain once more. It doesn't hurt as much but still, it stung.. I remembered how I loved the person, to fault but then again, I guess it wasn't enough. I would never understand what went wrong or when things started going downhill nor do I have the patience to at least try to. Over analyzing would just make me lose whatever marbles I have left.

For the record, I already forgave the person.. and it's not as if I can't forget.. if we're being honest, there are things we want to completely forget and remove from our system but we just can't. It was a heartbreak to the soul. When everything finally ended, he took with him a big chunk of me- a piece of my heart that never fully recovered..

offer good while supplies last

2010-06-08T13:46:00.003+08:00

Why does good men come in limited edition while bast*rds are running aplenty? Enlighten me.

do you think you're pretty?

2010-05-25T15:43:00.001+08:00

modesty aside, yes.. hahahahaha.. lolz..

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-04-08T15:09:00.003+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/mariadominiquec

a fleeting thought

2010-02-26T13:25:00.001+08:00

I realized, learning doesn't stop with head knowledge because there's heart learning too

a whole lotta BS

2010-02-20T14:39:00.002+08:00

I am miffed.

My feeling of restlessness added to that as well. Kudos to those not only contributed to my "angsty" mood but also the very reason why.

Fuck.

Anyhow, will just try to sleep or work this irritation off.

Whatever.

broken to bits

2010-02-16T11:50:00.004+08:00

I always prayed to God and some unknown entity for pain to disappear completely and quickly. For a while there, I thought my prayers were answered then bam! Thank you very much for making me feel it once more, more intense, more painful, than last time. It appeared as quickly as it came before. Words couldn't even begin to describe just how much.

I've been trying my hardest and damndest to let everything go. Friends kept telling me to trust my heart but how could I when he broke my heart? There's not a shred left. He took with him all the good parts left. I hate to think that I'm still a little lost after almost a year. But what can I do? Just when I thought everything's fine, that I am fine, when I thought I emerged a victor, turns out I was wrong.

I loved the guy too much, to a fault. My friends can attest to that. I know he's gone and that it's over and all but I don't exactly appraciate that fact being shoved into my face every fucking day. Just because I seem to be composed doesn't mean I'm in any way not affected because I am! I don't love the guy like I used to but it still stings just the same.

Good Lord! I'm beginning to lose my sanity. Dammit! You know what sucks the most? It's when you were the one with that person during those times that person needed someone the most. During the times when everything seemed quite hazy. I was the one there! That person even didn't see and appreciate that. It's like I totally prepared him for someone else whereas he did not even prepare me for anything at all. Not even for the worst.

All I wanted was quiet. I guess that's not too much to ask but it seems like I am reaching for the stars here. It's not fair. Life isn't fair and will never be, I know. But isn't this too much? Fuck. This is the worst kind of torture.

random

2010-02-12T10:46:00.003+08:00

Over the past months, I haven't written anything that was truly sensible.. A lot that I wanted to ingrain but I couldn't find the time.. Or to put it more accurately, I couldn't seem to find the words.. I temporarily suffered a writer's block.. There was once a time when words flowed freely from my brain and heart into my pen and then finally, on to the paper.. But since so much happened, I lost, not only the words to describe but will to write as well..

I became a girl without a soul, and without a heart.. Life lost meaning for a while.. I guess I'm beginning to find it's meaning once again.. With that, I hope my desire to write will burn anew..

through the mind

2010-01-26T14:09:00.004+08:00

been thinking (not that I really wanted to) a lot quite recently and here are some of those "random" thoughts that I want to impart..

* sometimes, the person we want the most is the one we're better off without

* as the distance increases, the force of attraction decreases..

* the hardest person to get over, I think, isn't really the one you never had.. but rather, you thought would never leave and yet they did..

* we never really get over heartbreaks.. we just go on remissions

* there comes a time that we need to forget those dreams that we know will never come true no matter what we do..

* the cure, sometimes, is worse than the pain

* the heart, though broken once, twice, or several times over, was made for love.. so, it can and will learn to love again.. all in God's time

* value anything and everything around you because you'll never know how long it's going to last..

* I manage to appear utterly independent when I was infact, desperately in need of company

* there's no point in wasting time looking after things (pining for people too) that aren't ours; it's always best to live life as today were the first (or the last) days of our lives

* don't stress yourself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life

* never limit yourself when it comes to happiness.. learn to let go.. after all, life is too short to be anything but happy..

* don't take it to mean that I don't care just because I'm silent.. sometimes, it means it hurts so bad that I didn't know what to say.. but most often than not, it could mean I am getting rather tired explaining to people who doesn't even care to listen, and understand.. basically, just to people who don't really give a damn at all..

tweeteroo

2010-01-15T12:53:00.001+08:00

for fleeting, random thoughts, twitter has been my medium.. not really though.. I started only a couple of days back.. hehe.. actually, I don't really get it, but by golly, it does serve its purpose, whatever that is, for me.. see, I'm known for just blurting just about whatever comes to mind not really caring if it makes sense or not.. so it's perfect.. then again, that's just me talking.. woohoo.. I was frustrated some oh-2-days ago because I couldn't quite figure out how to add that blasted widget.. I feel like giving myself a tap on the back for figuring it out TODAY.. haha..

2009 at a glance

2010-01-12T12:54:00.001+08:00

this entry has been a bit overdue.. I feel the need to ingrain what's on my head..

--<@

“once in a lifetime means there’s no second chance.. because this moment is all we really have”

last quarter of 2008 and the whole of 2009 has got to be the most emotional year for me.. I was in on an emotional roller coaster high.. so much has happened that up until this very moment, I didn't think there were that many tears in the world.. I must've shed enough to fill an olympic-sized pool..

words couldn't even describe how I felt.. if there was ever a time I controlled my feelings and never really said a thing about how I really felt, this was it.. so much were bottled up..

a huge gaping hole was left somewhere inside me.. a hole that until now, I'm still trying to fill.. funny.. I never thought of myself as the fragile sort.. I know I said I'm happy being by myself for now and that I'm already super okay.. but you know, it gets hard pretending that you're really fine and dandy and that everything's just peachy when infact, there are days when it isn't.. there have been instances that I just wanted to burst and cry like there's no tomorrow but I just couldn't seem to do it.. it's hard to keep mum about things when your heart literally feels like being ripped into pieces.. should hearts be made of glass, I would say mine has been finely crushed..

it was rather unsettling for me to realize that even after all these months, something still always brings me back to him.. just when I thought everything was already going great and that I'm really FINE, that's when I feel like being pulled back.. he, in a way neither he nor me knows how, still brings me down.. all these time, I don't know if he knows, it's as if he's omnipresent.. I don't like it.. in all honesty, I wanted to get away from it all.. infairness to me, I did everything just to make my world seem normal.. like it wasn't in any way shaken.. I worked to the extent of being a workaholic, went out with friends, tried to see the world in a different light.. but to no avail.. well, I successfully haven't thought of him for the longest time but every time I do, unintentionally I might add, it was like a piercing blow..

to add salt to the wound, along side losing my forever, I also lost some important people.. people who over the years have been very special to me.. people I considered “family”.. sigh.. a whole “network” lost.. pun intended..

to sum everything up, it has been a really shitty and crappy year for me.. I lost faith in most things I believed in.. take love and magic for instance.. I have met some people in this time of my singlehood but I just couldn’t seem to see any of them.. I still want to believe in the happy ever after type of stuff but after everything I went through, I guess there’s just no use in investing emotions.. some acquaintances might say I became somewhat cold and heartless.. those close to me would say more cautious.. but you know, even in the middle of all that drama, still, there were reasons for me to smile and be thankful for.. my friends (real ones) stood by me during my most difficult time.. they were there even when I didn’t want them to be.. they let me be when I wanted to be alone and talked sense into me every time I was being nonsensical.. listened even when I was on the verge of sounding like a broken record, stayed up until very late when I still didn’t want to sleep, kept me company when I needed one and most importantly, they exerted effort to drag me out of my blues, for me to keep it together, and to atleast try to keep me sane.. seriously, I loved and appreciated them more to bits for that.. I’m lucky to have friends like the ones I have now.. I probably would’ve lost it altogether if it weren’t for them..

I wasn’t feeling very excited about the holidays and all for it felt weird being by myself (not literally) for the first time in a very long time.. but if I were to force myself to feel even the tinglest of excitement, it would have to be for the new year.. I wonder what’s going to happen.. my, I certainly hope this would prove to be a better year for me.. experiences changed me.. it’s better like that.. I’m stronger now than ever.. not totally healed but it’ like there was never any wound to begin with.. time heals all wounds somehow.. over the past weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot and though I long ago accepted the fact that some things can never be the same, it just now that I’ve come to terms with the reality that there are people, plus some other things, that we need to forget.. with it goes all the memories, be it good or bad.. then again, I guess the feeling that it’s always better when we’re together won’t shake off anytime soon.. besides, the fact still remains that he’ll always have a space.. nothing and no one can take that away.. actually, I’m getting over him most of the time.. it won’t be too long now for it to be all the time.. I am better off.. for now, I am looking forward to the coming year and is so ready to leave 2009 behind.. who knows? I might hear that single voice above the noise.. one that could make me tell myself, “I may still have that chance to get my fairytale after all”..

** anyway, happy new year all.. this is me, signing off to 2009..

fleeting thought

2008-07-11T22:05:00.000+08:00

why do you have to be so cruel? did i do anything to you

everything's a lie

2008-02-20T18:49:00.000+08:00

No words can ever describe the pain I’m feeling.. I was stripped raw and left bleeding.. over the years we built dreams above dreams.. I thought we had a strong foundation.. I hate the fact that you led me to believe that, that I believed you.. actually, I had faith in you, in us.. I had high hopes.. you made me feel and see things that were non-existent. I guess I was stupid enough to believe those and to believe in you.. this time around, it will be a longer period of healing for me.. because it took me this long to figure out that everything, even you, is a lie..

garbled..

2007-11-15T09:21:00.000+08:00

I always say, I have to learn to take care of the people around me for time flies swiftly.. but when I do, it seems more likely for them to go away.. :sigh: God knows I took care of this person for the longest time and that I did everything I could in my power, even during the times I so wanted to give up and let it all go.. I honestly thought it will all go se well but unfortunately, fate always has a way of laughing at me..

Life, they say is not always easy.. true.. I've had my fair share of shit as well.. to you it may seem that I'm so tough and full of myself but when you see what's really inside, you might be shocked to see my heart bleeding profusely and broken beyond recognition..

Restless and sleepless nights I've spent for a week now.. tossing and turning I know is a cliche' but that's what I've been doing.. literally.. chocolates for my troubled soul? I don't think so.. who ever started the saying "chocolates are the ultimate comfort food and it makes us happy" is a goddamned liar in my opinion.. I think they haven't experienced in their perfect little lives the ultimate despair.. ultimate despair's too strong a word, i know.. but who cares?! nobody could ever understand that completely and nobody gives a flying fig on what you truly feel.. even those whom you thought will always be there.. the one who promised to always be there..

The rain outside has gone away, sunlight seeping through the clouds.. my thoughts still garbled, and my face just like a blank canvass.. the leaves are falling, the water continues flowing.. a lot of things goes with that flow, going into a destination unknown.. taking my nemo with them.. that he looks so happy without me, I can't complain..

comfort food for the rainy days.. or so i think

2007-10-31T13:36:00.000+08:00

the rainy days are here again.. funny seeing how we are already in our "ber" months.. in times like this, i crave for a big slice of sansrival and/or chocolate marjolaine from red ribbon.. sigh.. nothing like a perfect piece of cake to soothe me.. also, in this weather, it's good to reminisce.. look back on all the moments..

i want to sleep.. my thoughts are already muddled enough.. you know what they say? lotsa food, lotsa friends, lotsa bonding and talking sessions but not a lot of sleep..

just another ordinary day

2007-10-09T10:28:00.000+08:00

it's only half past 10 in the morning and yet, it feels as if half of the day has already passed.. let me tell you, i'm not exactly idle.. i've been doing things.. it's just that for some reason, this day seems to be dragging on sloooooooooooooowly.. and mind you, it's only tuesday! goodness..

the view from my window looks inviting.. makes one want to go out to chill.. haay.. the possibilities are endless..

hmm.. i miss my nemo.. "yoohoo.. where are you?" tsk.. tsk.. we usually hang-out in malls, coffee shops, either of our houses and we both love going to the movies, although our tastes are different.. hmm.. let's just say that his taste is more emancipated than mine.. but- we get along great.. he goes with what I want to watch most of the time, which I think is the most important thing, hahahahaha..

sigh.. i want an ice cream cone.. i'm beginning to feel empty-headed.. but come to think of it, even in my dull state, I have made myself this blog (forced myself).. haha.. ciao for now..

BOREDOM!

2007-10-08T10:54:00.000+08:00

Boredom, also known as ennui - when it kicks in, whoa! even banging your head against a wall for countless times can and will seem very appealing.

hahahaha.. why am I telling you this? obviously, it's because I'm über-bored right now.. But of course, slamming my head against a wall right now would not only be pathetic but also humiliating.. see, I am in a mall right now.. funny right? bored in a mall of all places! pitifully laughable.. should I be home, this could be fought with my boredom-busters.

SLEEP:

I sleep all day.. I think I have more energy asleep than most people have fully awake.. I tend to sleep very late at night, even during those times that I know I have to get my ass off the bed very early the next day..

WRITE/COMPOSE SONGS:

I do write a lot.. it's one of my forms of de-stressing myself.. essays, poems, and all.. I do compose also although truth be told, I'm really not that good with melodies and the guitar so in this case, I have my sister who's really good with music help me out.. we do collaborate sometimes also.

READ:

Book-worm present! I read a lot.. I soo love books.. need I say more?! :)

SOUND TRIP:

Any genre would be just fine really.. I'm into music so it's really no prblem for as long as it's not a mind-busting, ear-drum destructive thingy..

DANCE:

I was a member of the dance troupe and cheering squad when I was in school. It was my exercise and again, a way for me to release all those pent-up frustrations.. hehehe..

lastly, this has gotta be my favorite of all

PHOTO-UPS!

Vanity.. hahaha.. I'm vain in the sense that I love getting my pictures taken.. I sooo love it! actually, my family and friends can attest to that as they call me a "camera addict". Apart from myself (my face to be exact) I also enjoy taking pictures of other things.. people or other forms of life among other things imaginable.. the camera just gives me a sense of freedom...

2005-05-24T03:50:00.000+08:00

really.. i thought he'd change.. out of a hundred promises, none are meant to be kept..
i honestly feel so bad.. how come when it comes to me, he's always like this? never did
i feel special and loved.. atleast not in two years in the almost six years we have been
together.. darn.. i believed we can overcome this.. i feel i am loved and cared for in the
same manner i loved and cared for him.. yes.. we are happy.. but only in my profound &
wildest dreams..

water runs dry

2005-05-18T18:45:00.000+08:00

We don't even talk anymore
And we don't even know what we argue about
Don't even say I love you no more
'Cause saying how we feel is no longer allowed

Some people will work things out
And some just don't know how to change

Let's not wait till the Water Runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let's not wait till the Water Runs dry
We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives
Don't do it, baby

Now..Now they can see the tears in our eyes
But we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts
Well maybe that's a pain we can't hide
'Cause everybody knows that we're both torn apart
Why do we hurt each other?
Why do we push love away?

** whew.. this song best describes how i'm feeling at the moment- torn..
if there's anything i hate, it's feeling that way..
it's like you're on a pedestal..
really.. it's so annoying..
and yeah, people who loves each other really tend to hurt
(intentionally or not) the other's feelings..
which is so darn confusing..
i'll never really know why.. hrhr