I always prayed to God and some unknown entity for pain to disappear completely and quickly. For a while there, I thought my prayers were answered then bam! Thank you very much for making me feel it once more, more intense, more painful, than last time. It appeared as quickly as it came before. Words couldn't even begin to describe just how much.
I've been trying my hardest and damndest to let everything go. Friends kept telling me to trust my heart but how could I when he broke my heart? There's not a shred left. He took with him all the good parts left. I hate to think that I'm still a little lost after almost a year. But what can I do? Just when I thought everything's fine, that I am fine, when I thought I emerged a victor, turns out I was wrong.
I loved the guy too much, to a fault. My friends can attest to that. I know he's gone and that it's over and all but I don't exactly appraciate that fact being shoved into my face every fucking day. Just because I seem to be composed doesn't mean I'm in any way not affected because I am! I don't love the guy like I used to but it still stings just the same.
Good Lord! I'm beginning to lose my sanity. Dammit! You know what sucks the most? It's when you were the one with that person during those times that person needed someone the most. During the times when everything seemed quite hazy. I was the one there! That person even didn't see and appreciate that. It's like I totally prepared him for someone else whereas he did not even prepare me for anything at all. Not even for the worst.
All I wanted was quiet. I guess that's not too much to ask but it seems like I am reaching for the stars here. It's not fair. Life isn't fair and will never be, I know. But isn't this too much? Fuck. This is the worst kind of torture.
I've been trying my hardest and damndest to let everything go. Friends kept telling me to trust my heart but how could I when he broke my heart? There's not a shred left. He took with him all the good parts left. I hate to think that I'm still a little lost after almost a year. But what can I do? Just when I thought everything's fine, that I am fine, when I thought I emerged a victor, turns out I was wrong.
I loved the guy too much, to a fault. My friends can attest to that. I know he's gone and that it's over and all but I don't exactly appraciate that fact being shoved into my face every fucking day. Just because I seem to be composed doesn't mean I'm in any way not affected because I am! I don't love the guy like I used to but it still stings just the same.
Good Lord! I'm beginning to lose my sanity. Dammit! You know what sucks the most? It's when you were the one with that person during those times that person needed someone the most. During the times when everything seemed quite hazy. I was the one there! That person even didn't see and appreciate that. It's like I totally prepared him for someone else whereas he did not even prepare me for anything at all. Not even for the worst.
All I wanted was quiet. I guess that's not too much to ask but it seems like I am reaching for the stars here. It's not fair. Life isn't fair and will never be, I know. But isn't this too much? Fuck. This is the worst kind of torture.
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